Days Left Until Trial Exam : Too depressed to even count.
State Of Mind : Depressed

My trial exam is drawing near and despite given a 7-day break for the final preparation for it, I used it to – believe it or not – lie around.

Everyone around me is so undeniably smart.
Everyone around me is busy gearing up for the trial.

And I’m getting more and more lethargic with each passing day. Whenever I tell ‘em that I’ve been slacking off on studying or anything equivalent to that, they shrug it off.

The conversation between me and one of my ex-classmates the other day :
Me : (After admitting my fear of the exam) I’m really not smart.
Her : Are you kidding?! You’re SOOOOO smart!!

And yes, she did stress and over-pronounce the word ’so’, as if to suggest that I’m the cleverest homo sapien ever known to the world.

Another conversation with another friend of mine (who have since distanced himself from me apparently because of my lack of intelligence) :
Me : I haven’t been studying a lot lately. I don’t think I’m actually half-prepared for it.
Him : Don’t bluff. I know you HAVE been studying a lot.

SEE?!!!!

I’m not the kind of person you would probably know that say ‘I don’t study’ when I have been, or say ‘I study’ when I’ve not been.

And to look beyond the face value of those kind of conversations with those kind of remarks from my friends, it just proves that they have high expectations of me and think of me very highly.

Or maybe they were being sarcastic. Now THAT makes more sense…

Then there are those who really look down on me, of course, because of my apparent lack of academic achievement. And for other personal reasons too perhaps.. (who knows?) But anyway, this should be the reason I should turn things around and get my a(star)(star) moving, shouldn’t this? If I crumble at this point wouldn’t this make ‘em happy? And making ‘em happy is the last thing I should do now.

Oh well…