So a semester in university is already over.
The second is starting in less than a month’s time.

I was asked a very good question a few days ago.
“So is the university life like what you had imagined previously?”.

Brilliantly asked, it was a question that got me speechless. My mind tried hard searching for a truthful answer. Has it been like what I had imagined before I entered university? To be honest, I don’t know. It seems like any impression of a university before this have been wiped off from my memory.

“How do you feel about finally entering a university?” was another question asked by some of my friends. That was 4 months ago.  And I told some of them, I wasn’t exactly exhilarated at the idea of it, for reasons I shall not divulge here.

What I know is, it’s what I should go through. Being me, taking things as they are, I usually have no dread, no excited anticipation. Somewhere in between, perhaps.

Events, one by one, progressed naturally, at a pace I could comfortably keep up with enough effort.

There were things that made me happy. There were things that were upsetting.
But I got through all.

Changes took place for sure.
Mentally. Emotionally.

I met some new friends. I lost some old ones.

There were people that opened my eyes, and I realised I have so much to learn.
There were people whose underlying characters surfaced.

There were times when my integrity was challenged, questioned.
Because anything beyond comprehension is intimidating. Or so it seemed.

There were times vulnerability took over.
Because my guard was inadvertently let down.

I was caught in a massive tangled web of decisions to be made. Every step I took required meticulous planning and calculation.  I could excuse myself for making wrong decisions considering everything was new. However, one mistake could be very costly.

As expected, I miscalculated.

For instance, 4 months ago, I made a decision I sometimes see as a mistake. It led to various complications that lasted throughout the 4 months. I vowed to make a better decision.

And I looked forward to it.

4 months later, when it was time, things took a surprising turn, and after weighing up the advantages and the disadvantages, I still made the same decision. I don’t know if I am repeating the same mistake that I did. Because I learned that it should be all about me. My privacy – something I value a lot. And I am trading it for something which is supposed to be bigger.

And I don’t look forward to it as much as I did anymore.

If I miscalculated again, it’ll be another round of what I went through during the last 4 months.

I’m a little anxious.