So a semester in university is already over.
The second is starting in less than a month’s time.

I was asked a very good question a few days ago.
“So is the university life like what you had imagined previously?”.

Brilliantly asked, it was a question that got me speechless. My mind tried hard searching for a truthful answer. Has it been like what I had imagined before I entered university? To be honest, I don’t know. It seems like any impression of a university before this have been wiped off from my memory.

“How do you feel about finally entering a university?” was another question asked by some of my friends. That was 4 months ago.  And I told some of them, I wasn’t exactly exhilarated at the idea of it, for reasons I shall not divulge here.

What I know is, it’s what I should go through. Being me, taking things as they are, I usually have no dread, no excited anticipation. Somewhere in between, perhaps.

Events, one by one, progressed naturally, at a pace I could comfortably keep up with enough effort.

There were things that made me happy. There were things that were upsetting.
But I got through all.

Changes took place for sure.
Mentally. Emotionally.

I met some new friends. I lost some old ones.

There were people that opened my eyes, and I realised I have so much to learn.
There were people whose underlying characters surfaced.

There were times when my integrity was challenged, questioned.
Because anything beyond comprehension is intimidating. Or so it seemed.

There were times vulnerability took over.
Because my guard was inadvertently let down.

I was caught in a massive tangled web of decisions to be made. Every step I took required meticulous planning and calculation.  I could excuse myself for making wrong decisions considering everything was new. However, one mistake could be very costly.

As expected, I miscalculated.

For instance, 4 months ago, I made a decision I sometimes see as a mistake. It led to various complications that lasted throughout the 4 months. I vowed to make a better decision.

And I looked forward to it.

4 months later, when it was time, things took a surprising turn, and after weighing up the advantages and the disadvantages, I still made the same decision. I don’t know if I am repeating the same mistake that I did. Because I learned that it should be all about me. My privacy – something I value a lot. And I am trading it for something which is supposed to be bigger.

And I don’t look forward to it as much as I did anymore.

If I miscalculated again, it’ll be another round of what I went through during the last 4 months.

I’m a little anxious.

Found on her blog, this is what she has to say to Mr Douchebag regarding what happened during the MTV Video Music Awards :

Dear Kanye,

What happened to you as a child?? Did you not get hugged enough?? Something must have happened to make you this way and I think we’re all just curious as to what would make a grown man go on national television and make a talented artist, let alone teenager, feel like shit. I mean, I’ve seen you do some pretty shitty things, but you just keep amazing me with your tactless, asshole ways. It’s absolutely fascinating how much I don’t like you. I like everyone. I even like my asshole ex that cheated on me over you… which is pretty odd since I don’t even personally know you. The best part of this evening is that you weren’t even up for THIS award and yet you still have a problem with the outcome. Is winning a moon man that much of a life goal?? You can have mine if it will shut you up. Is it that important, really??

I was actually nominated in the same category that Taylor won and I was excited for her…so why can’t you be?? I’m not even mad at you for being an asshole…I just pity you because you’re a sad human being.

On a side note, Beyonce has always been a class act and proved again tonight that she still is. Go TEXAS!!

Taylor Swift, you outsell him ….that’s why he’s bitter. You know I love your work! Keep it up girl!

This is why I absolutely adore Kelly Clarkson! She’s one of the very few truly talented Idols – other than Carrie Underwood – when AI hasn’t lost its shine to find a new solo musical talent. Now, AI seems to deviate to becoming a popularity-of-the-contestants show.

Of course, when I say she’s one of the very few talented Idols, it’s not for fun – it’s substantiated.

Just ask American Idol judge Simon Cowell. Clarkson appeared on Idol Gives Back in 2007 and performed Patty Griffin’s “Up to the Mountain”. After the performance, the audience who watched Clarkson perform live gave her a standing ovation. Cowell then described her as “incredible”, saying, “When you let her [Clarkson] come back on the show it makes everybody else look like an amateur.”

Makes everyone else look like an amateur. Amateur. I like the way it sounds.

Outspoken, frank and always standing up to whatever she believes in, she’s someone real without a manufactured  sound or image, unlike the recent Idols.

Not convinced? Maybe you’re no talent, because there are plenty of talents out there who think very highly of her.

Now here’s what I have to tell her : You know I love your work! Keep it up girl!

In the midst of the din, I felt a moment of blessed calm as I saw my mum gather with her sisters and amble their way around meeting with other relatives which they hadn’t seen for a long time. Like a movie where a song starts playing in the background of a perfectly appropriate scene, Kelly Clarkson’s ‘If No One Will Listen’ started playing at the back of my mind. I looked at them and smiled.

What has always been important to me in my life has been affirmed again.

As I took notice of a thumbnail at a corner of the homepage of a social networking site I’m using, I realised one thing.
The hatchet wasn’t buried. We both left it there and walked away.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I’ve grown colder towards many things.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

A change is definitely needed.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I believe my life arranges its sequence of events in a way that I can always take a piece of something good out of everything.
There is this awesome person whom I’ve known for 75 days.
I realise I have so much to learn from her.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

A symbiotic bond which transcends beyond mere words.
I realise it’s something I’ve never had. Why?
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I wonder if everything’s going too fast – did I leave anything behind on my way to somewhere unseen?
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I kept seeing her these few days. I heard her voice for the first time today.
I kinda like it.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

There are a lot of things I would really like to correct – but I’m on my own.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I need to reassess my priorities.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

The pedestal’s so high I can’t risk falling down.
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

I took the time off to watch a 2007 movie called ‘The Invisible‘ when I was supposed to clear up the mess in my room and do the laundry.

The movie is based on a Swedish movie Den Osynlige which was very loosely inspired by a novel of the same name by writer Mats Wahl.

It’s a thought-provoking story about life, death and the choices one makes in between. In the end, what really matters is making your life worth something and taking control of it on your own. I really loved the underlying drama and the journey of self-discovery of the characters relayed throughout the story. It made me feel for both the victim and the villain, their pain and sacrifices. It has so much depth and beauty to it.

I’m emotionally moved now. Watching a movie which involves the death of its character really make me reflect more on life and appreciate it more.

No doubt it was worth my time.

Dear Fat Pig,

You are really fat. Obese to be exact. So obese that kids who look at you might turn into chunks of yellow fat.

You devour snacks every night at the living room like someone who hasn’t eaten for months, I’m fine with it, BUT you freaking leave pieces of them on the floor to feed the ants.

You turn on the volume so high up when you listen to songs or watching movies that I think you’re probably deaf.
Please, I am not interested at all in anything you listen or watch.

You leave curry stains on the floor after every meal so that you can lick on it later as a dessert for the next sub-meal.
You comfortably leave packets of 100%-cholestrol drinks in the kitchen for days and they turn foul and start growing moulds.

You make the area I stay so dirty to the point when I have to deodorise and desanitize around, I don’t really care if droplets of the Dettol disinfectant spray land on the rice in your opened rice sack.

You bring twigs and dried leaves along with your shoes into the house and leave them there to serve as ornaments around the shoe rack.

You use and touch my stuff without my permission like they’re all yours.

Of course it’s not like I will lend anything to you anyway if you actually ask me.
You’ll probably smear my stuff with the oil incessantly produced from the oil glands on your palm and all over your obese body.
You make elephants and hippopotamuses look really good.

You leave the water taps oily that it defeats the purpose of using them to clean MY hands.

I don’t understand why you pray so often. Why pretend to be so religious when you are obviously devoid of any moral and basic respect for housemates?

From,
Your Housemate.

I stared at the glaring screen.

The icons, commands, lines, circles, polygons and arcs on it seemed to morph into colourful swirls.

It had been 3 hours but I still couldn’t get my way around it. It was something new and totally foreign to me. How could I grasp it within such a short time? I turned around and saw everyone leaving the laboratory and pressure started to set in. How did they know how to do it? I looked back at the screen again and clicked around hoping to create the correct circles and arcs.

I could feel the veins around my temple area throbbing and my heart beating faster.

The sound of my fingertips hitting the keyboard became louder.
The clicking of the mouse became more rapid.

A friend beside me who was happily humming a random tune turned to me and told me to relax. I was surprised and impressed by her ability to remain so calm. A few minutes later, it was time to get out of the laboratory. Saving the unfinished tasks in my thumbdrive, I pulled it out, grabbed my stuff and got out.

On my way to have dinner, my mind was still pouncing on the fact that I didn’t know how to do and that everyone else seemed to know it all. I knew I had to unwind and calm down. Music effectively helps me to unwind but my portable music device was completely wrecked. Cheese would be good but it was nowhere to be found. In a moment devoid of both music and cheese, chocolate bars will do. So after a quiet dinner, I cycled to a nearby lake and sat there and fed myself a brown bar containing almond nuts and phenylethylamine while taking in the serenity of the lake and the cold evening air.

I told myself, I’m getting up, not beaten down just yet.

Everyone HAS to take a look at this funny video!!!

This is so good I almost fell off the chair from laughing out loud – ESPECIALLY watching his facial expression near the end of it!

Does anyone still need a proof why Jason Mraz is a musical genius?

I’ve been listening to Beau’s songs these few days to plunge myself in the inexplicable hollowness left behind by the sudden and unexpected departure of a senior last week. I’m home, happy, but at the same time, still reeling in the aftermath of his death.

Like I’ve mentioned, I don’t have any long solid connection with him previously as I met him only once (actually, far before that)  but strangely, why is it affecting me in such a way? I just can’t accept it and don’t wanna believe it. It’s very rare to get to know someone whom I truly respect and admire. Meeting him, I am humbled. I realize I have so much more to learn as a person. I understand that everything happens for a reason. And I am truly amazed at how fate brings people together. I guess I’m someone who is easily deeply affected by death. Perhaps it is the fear of death. I need some time to collect myself.

**
Take a look at this website for the story and truth.
Pass it around to create awareness so that it won’t happen to anyone we care.
**

Home.

And the best thing about it?

• I can be with my family!
• I can curl up on my bed reading!
• I can escape the academic pressure for a week!
• They say you naturally look better if you feel better on the inside.
  It’s true!
  It’s either that, or the mirrors in my home reflect better
• I feel really happy, safe, secure
• I can sleep for 1o hours!

Not a lot, I know – but those mean enough of the world to me!